The writing thing hasn't been going well lately. If it goes at all, it's rolling like the proverbial shit...downhill.
I remember when I started this blog. So full of hopes and dreams and a brand-spankin new set of high expectations for myself. I was going to blog all the time, post regularly, respond to comments and be a memeber of the blogging community. What a knee-slapper! One only needs to look at my posting history to see how that turned out.
The thing was, and still is, is that I want the vision that I have of something. I want to have a blog, not to build one. I want to have a following, not work for one. The only place where this doesn't really come up is in writing fiction, oddly. I enjoy writing stories but I kind of hate the publishing process. God, do I ever hate it. I hate it enough that, after my last book, I may never publish anything again. Okay, probably not, but I do hate it enough to make empty threats.
Anyway, like with blogging, my writing also got pushed to the back burner. I took on more responsibilities at work, more hours, more classes, I decided to take up flamenco dancing, I started trying to cook more, etc. Life things, you know? And, as luck would have it, I don't have the kind of personality to do all this. I was going to blame my energy level, or just sheer lack of time, but those aren't the problems. Really, I have enough time to do all these things. I don't have kids and my job is only 20 hours a week, so I'm not pressed for time. My energy levels are just fine too. I just don't like being an "on-the-go" person. I like to relax and read. I like time to myself where I'm not feeling pressured to do something more and with a career in teaching and another hobby of writing, I rarely don't feel that pressure. I'm an introvert and I need space and quiet. So, I got burnt out. I'm still feeling burnt out, to be honest, but now I'm starting to feel pissed off about it. I'm tired of not writing. I'm tired of feeling like I could be doing really well if I would just work harder. I'm tired of comparing myself to other, more successful writers who just seem so damned driven.
So, in short, writing hasn't been going well lately. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop. Not completely at least, and not forever. Maybe just a mini-break. Besides, at this point, I'm still small-enough-beans that no one will really notice if I piss off for a bit.
