Friday, September 23, 2011

Bus Dialogue: Excuse me?

I know that one of my weaknesses lies in writing dialogue. Cheezy or unbelievable dialogue can destroy an otherwise decent story. On the otherhand, if it's done right, the dialogue can tell a story in itself. So this is something that I really want to work on. I decided to write a series of dialogues, without any descriptions whatsoever, taking place on a bus. Here is the first one I wrote; please, tell me what you think.


“Excuse me, do you know what time it is?”
“Sorry?”
“The time. Do you know the time?”
“No I´m sorry, I don´t have a watch.”
“Oh. Shouldn´t it say on your Ipod?”
“It doesn´t work.”
“Oh yea, right. Weren´t you just listening to it?”
“No not really. I just put the headphones in to make it look like I´m listening to music.”
“Is that so people won´t bother you on the bus?”
“You´re not bothering me if that´s what you mean.”
“Well I´d just heard that sometimes people do that. Or pretend they´re talking on phones.”
“I heard that too, about the phones. Risky if you ask me. Eventually you have to hang up and then you are free and wide-open again. And you run the risk of the phone ringing.”
“Unless of course your phone doesn´t actually work.”
“Yea in that case, yea.”
“So then what is it?”
“What's what?”
“Why do you pretend to listen to music?”
“Right, right. I was always seeing people I vaguely knew around and this awkward, forced conversation would always ensue until eventually we´d just give up and sit in no-less-uncomfortable-silence.”
“So you just don´t want people you know bothering you?”
“No. If they really want to have that, I have nothing against it. I´m not too good for awkward moments. But I don't think they do. This way people have a..a...”
“An excuse?”
“An excuse.”
“So you're trying to spare them?”
“Not like a charity. But well, most people take the out.”
“Don´t you worry that it makes you a little, I don´t know, antisocial.”
“No. Not me anyway.”

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